Mornings in our house are a little bit stressful. A particular four year old in my house cries every. Single. Morning. It's as though the act of being awake is just too much. Mornings usually go like this:
Me: Linc, what do you want for breakfast?
Lincoln: I SAID I WANT PANCAKES!!!!
I take a deep breath and ignore the tone; pop some pancakes in the microwave, cut them into 8 even pieces, pour syrup and place the hot plate in front of him.
Me: Here are your pancakes.
Lincoln: (starts uncontrollably crying) YOU DIDN'T PUT SYRUP ON THIS PIECE! I WANTED TO CUT THE PANCAKES! IT'S TOO HOT! WHERE'S MY CHOCOLATE MILK?! I WANT TO POUR THE CHOCOLATE! I DON'T WANT TO WATCH CURIOUS GEORGE, I WANT TO WATCH PAW PATROL! MY PANCAKES ARE COLD!
Me: Jesus be the fence.
These morning shenanigans are a daily part of our routine, and two years ago, Christmas morning was no exception. I anticipated Christmas that year since the boys were older and understanding what all the hoopla is about. I was eager for the boys to open their gifts that I specifically chose for each of them. I bought a microphone for Lincoln and I knew he was going to love it. Many evenings, he will stand on the couch or a chair, sing on the top of his lungs into a toothbrush or action figure, and put on a show for us. I just knew this microphone was the perfect gift.
Ruly was the first one up. He excitedly came into my room and said he was ready to see what was under the tree. Not wanting Lincoln to miss the excitement, I went to his room to wake him up.
Big mistake.
Of course, in true Lincoln fashion, he cried as Ruly opened presents and refused to open his own. He cried because he wanted Ruly's toys and attempted to snatch his Mission Chase dog. I handed him one of his packages and it just made him sob even more. He did not want to be awake, and he did not want his own gifts. He wanted his brother's gifts.
I thought to myself, "If he would stop whining long enough to open his own gifts, he will have such a great time playing with his things."
Sometimes I act more like Lincoln than I am willing to admit. I want God's best and I want his blessings. I've asked God to use me for His glory. If I'm honest, however, I am really asking God to bless me in particular ways, ways that I think are better than what He has for me. I have an idea of how I want Him to use me. There are times I shift my eyes around and get caught up hoping I had a gift that someone else has. I get caught up in the "I wish" game.
I wish I could sing like that.
I wish I had a nice house like hers.
I wish I was a better writer like him so I could write a book.
I wish I was a witty communicator like that public speaker.
I wish I could captivate every room I walked in like she does.
I wish I could speak with that kind of authority.
I wish.
I am so blinded with envy of the gifts God has given others that I fail to unwrap the gifts He picked out specifically for me. I picture Him sitting on His throne, watching me whine about the gifts others have and all the while He is rolling his eyes saying, "JUST OPEN YOUR OWN GIFTS. You are going to love them." These boxes become unwrapped potential. They become a symbol of my rejection of God's unmerited favor towards me.
"In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well..." Romans 12:6
When I am finally done operating in envy and playing the "I wish" game and open my own gifts, I am pleasantly surprised. God tailored these gifts specifically for me, and their purpose are to bring Him glory...the very thing my heart desires.
God has used my gift of empathy to comfort and cry with a grieving friend that just lost their spouse. Possessing the gift of being a witty communicator would not have been useful. This gift was made for moments like these.
I have used my gift of hospitality to invite strangers into my home to connect them with community. I did not need a "nicer" house or sing like Ariana Grande to do this.
God has shown me how my gift of teaching is operating through the lives of my boys as I heard Lincoln tell Ruly that he didn't have to be afraid because Jesus was with him. God used me without having to captivate rooms.
God knows us so well. He made us and knew us before we were born. He gives us specific gifts based on this knowledge. It is up to us to stop pouting and unwrap our OWN gifts.
Lincoln eventually opened his presents (after a short time out). Just as I predicted, he loved his gifts. Especially his microphone. It became
a favorite at our house. I smile with satisfaction when I hear him belt out songs with his microphone because I know I chose the perfect gift for him.
I can't help but think that God does the same when we unwrap our own gifts.
